


Will the Good Cop Get His Christmas Wish?

by downbythebay



Category: The Good Cop (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Family Feels, The Good Cop Winter Fic Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-24 10:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downbythebay/pseuds/downbythebay
Summary: Four-year-old Emily Caruso doesn't believe in Santa, but finding her father true love on Christmas Eve is going to take a little bit of magic.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> For The Good Cop Winter Fic Challenge!
> 
> The prompt: Person X's child asks Santa for a new mommy.

TJ woke late the morning of Christmas Eve, having spent a late night at the station, tieing up as many loose ends as possible before the holiday.  He showered and dressed in a hurry and before heading down the stairs he stuck his head into the nursery.

The walls were green—he hadn’t known if the baby would be a boy or a girl, right up until he had picked her up from the hospital—but in the end, green had been just right. The bed overflowed with stuffed animals and the bookshelves were the same. There was a rocking chair big enough for the two of them to sit together, a dollhouse and a train set, and cartoonish pictures of jungle animals hung on the walls.  One especially nice sketch of an elephant with their baby had been given to him by (of all people) Ryan. Apparently, in addition to video games and designing useless tech baubles, some of Ryan’s friends had actual talents.

Finding the nursery vacant, TJ started down the stairs and as he turned the corner into the living room he was met by the smell of sugar and the sound of bare feet charging down the hallway from the kitchen.

“Daddy!”

Four-year-old Emily Constance Caruso launched herself into his arms with surprising strength for a child with the approximate proportions of a stringbean, and he staggered backwards for a moment until he got the weight of her under control.  

“Good morning,” he laughed. Emily laughed, too, pressing her face close to his.

She was tall for her age, all arms and legs, with tight, dark curls and big brown eyes. She had been born, of course, with grey eyes and dirty blond hair that had gotten progressively darker as she had grown. He could not have loved her less if she had green skin and a tail, but he had been secretly relieved when she started to look more like him. At least she looked enough like him that strangers who saw them together in the grocery store or at the park knew that they belonged together.  No one ever felt the need to remark that she must have her mother’s nose or her impish smile. It made things a little easier.

TJ kissed Emily’s cheeks and she wrapped her strong legs around his waist.  She squeezed him tight, wrinkling the neat lines of his suit jacket, but he only held her closer.  She rubbed her nose against his to give him bunny kisses.

Peering into the kitchen beyond, he saw his father taking a tray of cookies out of the oven.  TJ’s smile fell.

“Cookies for breakfast, dad, really?”

Since his release Big Tony had stepped up to his new responsibilities as a stay-at-home grandfather.  With the notable exception of the brief epoch during which Tony Sr. would use Emily as a pint-sized wing-woman in the Whole Foods parking lot.  But Emily’s vocabulary and sense of moral decency soon developed enough to put an end to that.

Having another adult in the house to help with pickups, doctor’s appointments, and keeping them all fed was a tremendous help, and had cut their childcare costs dramatically.  Even more than that, TJ thought Emily was good for his father. Tony Sr. tried to do right by her, even if he did spoil her more than TJ would have liked. At least it kept him from smoking in the house.

“It’s Christmas,” Emily said and gleefully pushed a cookie into her father’s face.

“Mmm, those are good, baby,” TJ said as he chewed and swallowed dutifully. “But why don’t we get you some yogurt instead?  Or how about some oatmeal?”

TJ carried Emily back into the kitchen. Almost every surface was already covered with dirty dishes and cookies and mixing bowls of different colored icing.  He cringed as he set Emily down in her booster seat at the kitchen table and tried to clear a place for her to eat without getting himself too dirty.

“How long have you been up?” TJ asked.  He turned the kettle on and somehow managed to find a clean bowl at the back of the cupboard; he wondered how they had made such a mess without waking him.

Big Tony was covered almost head to toe in flour. He brandished a hand mixer over a bowl of powdered sugar and egg whites with the same gusto TJ imagined he once had with his glock. Big Tony’s fingers were stained with food coloring. Funnily, and yet somehow unsurprisingly, between the two of them, Emily had managed to stay cleaner.

“She got me up around five this morning,” Big Tony said. “We watched some Paw Patrol, and then we decided we would decorate cookies.”  

“Cookies and TV already today,” TJ said, giving his father an admonishing glance.  

“It’s like she said, Anthony, it’s Christmas,” Big Tony said.  

TJ poured hot water from the kettle over a bowl of instant oats. He poured Emily a glass of orange juice and once the oats were soft he splashed some milk over them.

“No more screen time today, Emily,” TJ said, setting her breakfast down in front of her.  He had arranged blueberries in the shape of a smiley face on top of her oatmeal. “Not if you want to watch The Grinch tonight after dinner. I mean it.”

Emily pouted and TJ turned to his father, mirroring her frown.

“Maybe Nonno can read you your library books, after you clean up the kitchen,” he said and looked at his watch.  “I have got to run. I am very late for work.”

“You aren’t having breakfast?” Emily said, her little feet swinging of the end of the chair in agitation.  “I haven’t gone to school all week and we haven’t gotten to play together. Not once!”

“I know, I’m sorry,” TJ knelt down beside her at the table. “But I promise I will be home in time for dinner. You are going to hang out here with Nonno, and you’re going to have a nice lunch with Grandma Alice and Grandpa George—”

“I don’t want to have lunch with Grandma Alice and Grandpa George,” Emily protested.

“Aren’t you excited to get dressed up?”  TJ said.

“I hate dressing up.”  Emily stuck out her tongue. TJ sighed.

“I know, but your Grandma and Grandpa love getting to take you out,” TJ said.  “They don’t get to see you everyday like we do and it means a lot to them.” 

Emily’s other set of grandparents were not the most fun or friendly people in the world, especially from the perspective of a preschooler. But they had been there for Emily when there was no one else, and as long as they loved her and wanted what was best for her, TJ wanted to make sure they were in her life.

“Grandpa George always orders olives,” Emily wrinkled her nose.  “I hate olives. Pimientos give me hernias.”

Big Tony laughed and sent a puff of powdered sugar flying out of the mixing bowl. TJ took a deep breath and counted to five.

“You don’t have to eat olives, Emily,” TJ said.  “Just say ‘no thank you;’ use your manners. It’ll only be a couple of hours. And we’ll have all day tomorrow to open your presents. We’ll go to church and have a big breakfast and play games.”

“You promise?” Emily said.

“Pinky promise.” TJ held one finger out for her to wrap her littlest finger around and he kissed her head. “I love you, Emmy. Have a really good day.”

“Emily, will you run downstairs and get my phone?” Big Tony said. “I’m up to my ears in royal icing over here and I want to make sure I don’t miss your other grandparents if they call.”

“Sure, Nonno,” Emily said, rolling her eyes as she got up from her seat to trot down the stairs to the basement room.

“You better look out for that one,” Big Tony said. “She’s going to be an insufferable teenager.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” TJ said.  

“Listen,” Big Tony dropped his voice. “Emmy asked me—even though we don’t do Santa—” He adopted a mocking tone to show his displeasure with TJ’s pathological honesty. “If she could still write him a letter.”  

“Did she ask for something else?” TJ said. “I finally found that weird skeleton cat puzzle she wanted so badly.”

Big Tony waved him off, producing a little red envelope from his back pocket. The address was written in crayon. _To: Santa From: Emily._

“It’s not about the presents,” Big Tony said, handing him the letter.

“You opened my daughter’s mail?” TJ said, the flap was already torn open.

“To a mythological being,” Big Tony said.

“That is still,” TJ wagged a finger at his father in disapproval. “An infraction.”

“Just read it.”

TJ unfolded the paper, taking a moment to mentally translate the preschool, block lettering.

_Dear Santa,_

_I know you aren’t real, but I can’t tell Daddy or Nonno about my Christmas wish. What I want more than anything is a real Mommy._

_Mommies should be nice and always love you. Mommies should be pretty and funny and smart and give you good snacks. And she should love Daddy so he doesn’t have to be alone for Christmas._

_Sorry I told the kids at school you were made up. Daddy says we should always tell the truth._

_XOXO,  
_ _Emily_

“You know, I really think her penmanship and spelling are very advanced for her age,” TJ said, folding the letter back up.

“That was your takeaway?” Big Tony said. “The girl needs a mother, TJ.”

“I know, I know, Dad,” he said. “No one understands that more than me.  But I can’t let just anyone into Emily’s life. Not after—”

“The egg donor.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” TJ said. “In spite of all the awful things she did, she did give us Emily.  But, yes, after Macy I do realize I need to be a little more discerning about my taste in women.”

“What you need is to get back on the horse, Anthony,” Big Tony said. “All you do is work!”

“Maybe because I need to provide for my family,” TJ said. “If it’s meant to be, the right one will come along—”

“Yeah, she’ll just fall into your lap,” Big Tony mocked.

“Until then, I don’t want Emily to think that I’m lonely.  She’s the most important thing in the world to me,” TJ said.  “Will you talk to her. Remind her how much we love her.”

TJ grabbed his coat from the hall closet and  checked that he had his keys.

“Love you, son,” Big Tony called after him as he headed for the door, then added quietly so as not to be overheard by small ears. “Wear your vest.”

“Love you, too, dad,” TJ said.

At the station, the mood was relaxed and lazy.  It was cold enough now that the crime rates had begun to drop off.  The union had brought bagels and donuts for the holiday and most of the staff were taking the time between cases to catch up on paperwork and phone calls.  

Ryan had rigged his already heinous Christmas sweater with several dozen strings of LED lights, and was blinking furiously at his desk, illuminating the corner in alternating shades of red and green.  Across the room, Burl was lazily flipping through old casebooks, literally counting the minutes until 6 o’clock.

“So what is Santa bringing Emily for Christmas?” Cora asked as she rummaged through the filing cabinet to replace her case files.  

“Actually nothing,” TJ said, looking over his own stack of papers, his eyes already beginning to glaze over.

Cora stopped what she was doing and her face turned cross. “Are you serious? You know it takes some real nerve to put a four-year-old on the naughty list.”

“No, Cora, don’t worry,” he laughed a little at her serious expression.  “Emily’s getting plenty of presents. We just don’t do the whole pretend Santa thing at our house.”

“You don’t do Santa?”  

TJ had never seen Cora as a cheerleader for Christmas spirit, but she looked utterly scandalized by the idea.

“How can I reasonably expect my child to be honest with me if I lie to her about a fat man in a red coat breaking into our house on Christmas Eve?” he said.  

“It’s the magic of Christmas,” Cora said.

TJ shook his head.  “Isn’t it just as magical to tell her that the grownups in her life have worked hard all year so we can buy her things she wants and needs to make her Christmas special.”

“No. It’s not.”  Cora dug in, crossing her arms over her chest.  

At that moment, Officer Kinney entered the squad room, escorting Emily and his father into the bullpen. “Lieutenant, you have a visitor.” 

“Hey, sweetie,” TJ greeted them, stooping down to hug Emily. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re on our way to meet the other grandparents,” Tony Sr. said. “We just wanted to stop by and drop off some of these delicious cookies for Daddy and all his coworkers.”

He produced a bag of sugar cookies from his jacket and set them on the table.

“Hey Mr. C,” Cora said, helping herself to an approximately Christmas tree shaped cookie smothered in green icing. “Never took you for the Betty Crocker type.”

“What can I say?” Tony Sr. said.  “I’m a man of many talents.”

Burl also stirred from his long winter’s nap at the promise of snacks.

“Emily, these are my work friends, Ryan and Burl.  You haven’t seen them since you were very little, but you remember Cora, don’t you?”  TJ asked her.

“Cora used to visit me and Nonno all the time,” Emily said.

“Nonno?”  Ryan asked.  “Is that like a Moomin?”

“Nonno is her grandfather,” TJ pointed to his father. 

“Yeah, the kid picked it up because it’s all she hears her old man saying when I’m around,” Tony Sr. laughed, waving one finger.  “No! No!”

TJ shook his head as his colleagues laughed.  “That’s not true. It’s Italian.”

Cora shrugged, holding out her thumb and index finger.  “It’s a little true.”

Emily pulled on Cora’s pant leg to get her attention.  “Why don’t you come visit anymore?”

“We talked about this Emily,” TJ said.  “Cora got a new job working here with daddy.  Now she doesn’t have to look after your Nonno anymore.”

“It’s not fair!” Emily huffed and put her hands on her hips. “You just want her all to yourself.”

Cora, Burl, and Tony Sr. all laughed and at the sudden outburst as TJ turned bright red. 

“Emily,” TJ put his hands on her shoulders to lead her away.  “Do you want to come see Daddy’s office?”

“No,” Emily snapped.  “You don’t even have any toys.”  

She slipped away from TJ and instead trotted over to Ryan’s desk and rested her chin in her hands to watch his lava lamp.  Cora gave TJ a consoling pat on the shoulder, which turned him a shade darker under the collar.

“Don’t take it too hard,” Cora teased, patting TJ on the shoulder.

They watched as Ryan began to show Emily his latest invention. It was a weird little brick that was meant to translate the human voice into different synthesized chirps and beeps accompanied by flashing light. It had been picking up chatter in the squad room all week and making a high pitched screaming noise. Burl would have taken a hammer to it already if he had been able to find it on the clutter of Ryan’s desk.

“So how is preschool?” Ryan asked Emily.

She had discovered by making different animal noises, she could get the cube’s lights to change colors, and has set about practicing her barks and growls and quacks. 

“Pretty good,” Emily shrugged.  “Daddy gets in trouble a lot. He says my teacher plays too much YouTube.”

“Yeah,” Ryan said. “He tells me that, too.”

“Using social media on work time is an infraction,” TJ said, appearing behind Emily.

TJ was about to go on about the importance of staying focused at work, but Cora interrupted him, pointing to Emily.

“Look at your dress.  Is it new?" 

Emily was wearing a red velvet dress with a fuzzy reindeer on the front adorned with ribbons and bows and a pair of wide, wiggly eyes.

“My daddy got it for me,” Emily said, pulling on the front of her skirt. “Is it ugly, Cora?”

Cora looked to TJ, but he turned away sheepishly.

“Sweetheart,” Cora said, crouching down beside her. “You could never look ugly.  Do you like it?”

“I like the jingles,” Emily said, patting the reindeer’s head, setting bells tinkling and the eyes wiggling unnervingly.

“If it makes you happy, then it’s perfect,” Cora told her.

“I think you look great,” Ryan said, giving Emily a high five.

“What have I done?”  TJ whispered to himself before returning his attention to his father.  “Make sure you offer to pay for her lunch. Do you need cash?”

“Jesus, TJ, she’s four years old, how much do you think she’s going to eat?” Tony Sr. waved him off.  

“It’s time to get going, Emily.  Thanks for stopping by,” TJ said.

Emily threw her arms around his waist.  TJ pet Emily’s curls as she clung to him as he tried to pry her away.

“Listen, kid,” Tony Sr. said.  “The sooner we get going, the sooner lunch will be over.  Then we’ll to go to the department store to get your dad’s Christmas gift, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll stop for hot chocolate on the way.”

TJ glared at his father, but Emily suddenly snapped to attention, turning her face from the front of TJ’s dress shirt.

“With extra whipped cream?” she asked.

“You got it,” Tony Sr. said, putting out his hand to shake on it.   

“You’d better get on your way to meet Grandma Alice and Grandpa George, then,” TJ said.

TJ helped Emily back into her coat and stooped down so she could throw both arms around his neck.  Emily gave him a loud, wet kiss before he sent her off with his father.

 

In the parking lot, Big Tony helped Emily out of her heavy coat before lifting her into her car seat.   

“Let me take your jacket off before we buckle you in,” he said. “Otherwise your father’ll have me drawn and quartered in Time Square.”

He made sure the straps were snug and draped her coat over her to keep her warm before getting in and starting the car.

“Nonno,” Emily said, as they pulled out of the parking lot.  “I think Daddy likes Cora. Whenever he looks at her, his face gets all red and squishy.”

“Between you and me, kid, I think your daddy likes Cora, too,” he said, watching her in the rearview mirror. “But let’s just keep that our little secret.”

If Tony were a betting man, and he usually was, he would have taken the odds that Cora just might have liked TJ too, at least enough to give him a chance if he had ever worked up the _chutzpah_ to ask her on a proper date, but Tony had long-since given up hope of that ever happening.

“Daddy says we shouldn’t have secrets,” Emily said.

“It’s a different kind of secret,” he said. “It’s like what that little Jewish kid you like said—what’s his name?”

“My friend, Kevin,” Emily said.  “You remember, Nonno!”

Tony knew TJ worried that most of Emily’s friends were boys.  Emily loved unicorns and fairies, but the other little girls thought she was weird because she also liked bugs and lizards and monster trucks.  Tony knew little kids could be cruel.

“Yeah, yeah, I remember Kevin,” he assured her.  “Do you remember what Kevin told you, after your dad had to go to that emergency parent-teacher conference.  He said sometimes it’s okay to keep a secret when telling the truth might make someone feel bad.”

When TJ was growing up the other kids had been hard on him. Tony had known that, had secretly hoped it might toughen the kid up before it was too late. Maybe he was an old sexist, but things were different with Emily.  The truth was, though she had never said it aloud, Tony knew that a part of Connie had always longed for little girl of her own. In a way, looking after Emily felt like giving Connie her wish. 

“See, Daddy is Cora’s boss,” Tony began.  “So he’s worried that if he tells Cora how he feels, she might feel like she had to pretend she liked him too, otherwise he might try to get her in trouble at work.”

“Daddy wouldn’t do that!”

Of course, Emily’s faith in her father’s goodness was unshakable.  Tony wondered if there had ever been a time when TJ had trusted him so completely. 

“Well, you and I know that, but the sad reality of the world is that 90% of the men you will meet in your life are garbage, and sometimes it’s hard to tell the good ones from the bad ones. That’s why you’re not allowed to date until you’re 40, okay?”

And in the meantime Tony still had his trusty glock stowed away. For emergencies.

“Sure, Nonno,” Emily said and he caught her delivering another of her patented eye-rolls in his rearview mirror.

“And if Cora does like your daddy, other people they work with might think he was treating her differently because they were, uh, special friends. So your daddy wants to keep his feelings a secret, so that Cora doesn’t get her feelings hurt.”

Big Tony pulled the car into the fire lane outside the Manhattan restaurant and shifted into park.

“Alright, sweetie,” he went around to the back of the car to help her out of her car seat. “I’ll walk you inside. Just remember, if you feel like you need to leave, I’ll be right outside the whole time. I’ll be right here, okay?”


	2. Two

The squad room seemed quieter after the Caruso’s family visit, a little more lonely. Instead of returning to his office, TJ lingered by Cora’s desk, reorganizing her files chronology, and then alphabetically.

“You never talk about her,” Cora said. TJ turned to her. “Your ex.”

TJ looked down, suddenly very interested in the cuff of his jacket.  The sleeves were just a bit too long, he realized with embarrassment.  

“I think you have to actually be something before you can be an ex-something,” he said.

“She’s not in the picture?” Cora said.

Before he could answer, TJ noticed her eyes squinting at something over his shoulder and turned in time to see Ryan pantomiming a throat-cutting gesture.

“What are you doing?” TJ asked.

Ryan froze.  Burl collected the bag of cookies as he crossed the room toward them.  

“You know what these need,” Burl said sagely. “Coffee. Ryan, why don’t you help me fix a pot.”  

“You just hit the button, Sergeant,” Ryan said. “It’s kind of a one person job.”

“Get in the break room before I break you,” Burl hissed, dragging Ryan way by the string of lights on his sweater.

TJ shook his head watching Burl and Ryan disappearing into the break room.

“I’m sorry,” Cora said.  “It’s none of my business.”

TJ looked up and, finding Cora staring back at him softly, he realized he couldn’t recall if he had ever told anyone the whole story. Of course people knew what had happened between him and Macy, what she had done.  Word got around, but he never openly shared his side of things. He had always assumed it wouldn’t make a difference. He tried not to care, at least not much, what most of his colleagues thought of him, but he found he cared very much how Cora saw him.

“Emily’s mom is not well,” TJ said, perching himself on the edge of the desk between them.

Cora came around and settled herself beside him.    

“It was a couple of months after mom. I thought she cared about me. I was mistaken.”

In TJ’s memory, colorized by hindsight, he found that there was a part of him that had always known that something was wrong.  It was easy enough for him to point out the idiosyncrasy of his father pursuing young, attractive women, but when a woman who was so obviously out of his own league wanted him, TJ somehow missed the beam in his own eye.  He hadn’t wanted to see it.

“She had been seeing someone else—another cop—and she thought being with me would make him jealous,” he said. “And when that didn’t work, she--”

These words were the hardest.  It still kept him up at night, that his judgement had failed him so completely, that he could be so utterly wrong about someone he cared for, someone he might even have loved, the woman who would be the mother of his child.

“She killed him--everyone knew it, everyone but me. I didn’t want to believe it.  And I think, if she had known before she was caught,” his voice trailed off. “I don’t think she would have had the baby, except her attorney thought it might earn her some sympathy during sentencing.”

“Jesus, TJ,” Cora said.

Thoughtlessly, he had been pulling at a loose thread on the edge of his sleeve--they were too long, or the sleeves of his dress shirt were too short--his eyes cast down.  Cora reached out and took his hand, holding it still. TJ let out a breath.

“After Emily was born, she wouldn’t hold her. She didn’t even want to see her. So I brought her home and never looked back. The way I see it, if she doesn’t want to know Emily, that’s her loss.”

TJ drew Emily’s Christmas letter out of his jacket pocket and showed it to Cora.  

“I thought we would be okay, just the two of us,” he said. “But then I saw this: Emily’s Christmas wish. All she wants is a mom.”

Cora carefully unfolded the paper. TJ watched her carefully trace the crayon letters with her fingertips, quietly reading to herself.

“Tell me to tear down a wall, climb a mountain, go to every toy store in the city to make her happy,” he said. “I’d do anything for her. I’d die for her; I’d kill for her if I had to. But the one thing she needs, I can’t give her.”

TJ looked up at her sadly.

“She has nightmares, you know?  Usually once a week. The pediatrician says it’s normal—at around 3 or 4, kids start noticing how big the world is, that bad things can happen for no reason.  She knows my job can be dangerous. I won’t lie to her. I tell her I’m very good at my job, that I always follow the rules, that I’m careful. And that I have friends at work and we all look after one another.”

TJ couldn’t help but wonder, if it came down to it, would he end up another segment on the news? Would he make a mistake, in that split second, that would cost someone their life? One that would destroy a family?

It scared him, knowing in the back of his mind what he would do if he had to choose.  Because when he made Emily a promise that he would come home he had to keep it, no matter what.

“It’s a struggle, every day,” Cora said. “We all do the best we can—and when we don’t, when we get sloppy or lazy, you call us out. That’s why we trust you. You make us better.”

“Thanks, Cora,” he said.  

“And you’re a really good dad.  You know that, right?” Cora said, folding the paper back up and returning it to him.  “When I was a kid, I would have given anything for even one parent who cared about me like you.”

TJ turned to her, smiling.

“Except for that dress,” she added. “What were you thinking?”

“It was a reindeer, she likes animals!”

“That reindeer looked like it had done more acid than the mascot for the Philadelphia Flyers,” Cora said.

TJ laughed; of course, she was right.

“Did Emily really tell all the kids at the Head Start that Santa wasn’t real?” Cora asked.

“Yes,” TJ sighed. “The other parents activated the telephone tree to yell at me.”

“Bet it was the first time you’d ever been called to the principal’s office,” she said, nudging TJ with her elbow.

“Alright,” he laughed.  “Let’s get back to work so we can get out of here on time.”

 

Emily made it through her boring lunch date like a champ and as a reward, they stopped for hot chocolates on their way to the department story.  Naturally, the Macy’s was packed with last-minute shoppers.

“Alright, stay close to me,” Tony said, taking her hand as they made their way through the men’s section.  “I don’t need you getting lost.”

Emily found a display of neckties that were on sale and chose one with think blue and purple stripes.  

“You like this one?” Tony asked her.  “This one’s nice. We’ll get this for your dad.”

On the way to check out, Emily pulled him over to the jewelry counter, stopping to stare at a silver snowflake necklace with little chipped diamonds at the center.

“That’s pretty, Nonno,” she said.  

A well-meaning sales clerk approached them and asked, “Are you looking for something for your mom?”

Emily stared up at the woman, then threw herself against her grandfather, burying her face in his coat.  The sales clerk gasped, realizing her mistake.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

Tony waved her off.  “It’s the holidays, right?”

Tony set his things on the counter and knelt down beside her.  

“It’s okay, baby,” he said.  “It’s okay; can you tell me what’s wrong?  Tell me why you’re upset.”

“I’m not dumb,” Emily said, wiping her eyes with her small fists.  

“I know you’re not,” Tony agreed.  “You’re very smart.”

“I know stuff,” she said.  “I know my mommy didn’t want me.  Daddy’s alone because of me. It’s my fault.”

Tony sighed.  The kid was too smart for her own good, and yet she could still be so stupid.  It must have run in the family. He scooped her up and carried her to a quieter corner behind the escalators, and rocked her in his arms.  

“It’s not your fault,” Tony said, taking one of her hands in his.  “Look at me, it’s not your fault. Get that idea out of your head right now.  The reason your father can’t find a date has nothing to do with you. Having an adorable kid is just about the best thing he has going for him.  You understand?”

Emily nodded and he held her face between his hand just to make sure she heard every word.

“You are cookies with sprinkles and extra whipped cream.  You are dancing in the kitchen and singing along with the radio with the windows down.  You are one more story before bedtime and snuggles first thing in the morning. You make everything better. We wouldn’t give that up for anything.”

Emily sniffed and stopped crying, putting her arms around his neck.

“More importantly, the woman who gave birth to you, I’m sorry, but she’s a loser.  She’s a loser. The only worthwhile thing she ever did in her whole life was to help your daddy make you.  All she did was hurt people."

Tony paused and brushed Emily’s curls away from her face as he collected himself.

“She didn’t think about other people.  She only cared about herself,” he said.  “She didn’t care that she hurt people who cared about her, the people she was supposed to love. That’s why she had to go away, and left your grandparents and your dad to figure out how to clean up her mess.  I know it’s hard; it’s Christmas and you see all these families looking so perfect and happy. But I’ll tell you a secret. The truth is, they all want what you have. Cause your daddy and I love you more than anything in the world.  We wouldn’t trade that for anything. You hear me?”

Tony ticked, Emily’s ribs for emphasis and she giggled and nodded.

“Now, let’s get your daddy’s present packed up, and we’ll go home and made dinner, alright?” he said as they returned to the counter in a better mood.

“Can I check out here?” he asked the clerk, then looked down and pointed to the jewelry display.  “Actually, can I see that one? You do gift wrapping, right?”

 

At six-o’clock on the nose, Detective Loomis closed his briefcase and prepared to leave for the day, but on this day, the rest of the day shift was hot on his heels.  TJ gathered his things and put on his coat before closing up his office.

“It’s quitting time, Cora,” he said, rapping on her desk as she stared blankly at a folder on her desk. “Pack it up.”

“You’re the boss,” she said, closing the folder and gathering her things.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” TJ asked as they headed for the door.

“Well, I signed up to work the mid-shift tomorrow,” Cora explained with a self-depreciating grin. “Getting that OT. But tonight is going to be chinese takeout, a six pack of beer, and passing out on the couch to pay-per-view. It’s a family tradition.”

This time it was TJ’s turn to gape at her in judgement.

“Detective Vasquez, that is unacceptable.  You should come to our house for dinner.”

“Careful, TJ,” Cora warned. “I just might take you up on that offer.”

“Seriously. I mean it. My dad’s making lasagna, there’ll be plenty of food. I promised Emily we would watch _How The Grinch Stole Christmas_. We’ll finish decorating the tree. Come home with me, Cora. You shouldn’t be alone at Christmas.”

“Okay.” she said. “Okay, I’ll come.”

TJ grinned.  “That’s the spirit.”

“I just gotta make a stop on the way,” she said.  “I’ll meet you there.”


	3. Three

Even before TJ got his key in the door, he could already hear Bing Crosby.  The house felt especially warm and cozy as he stepped through the door. Emily ran to him right away.

“You’re home, you’re home,” she chanted.

“I made you a promise, didn’t I?”  TJ hugged her quickly before taking off his coat.  “Did you have a good day today; how was your lunch?”

“I was on my best behavior,” Emily announced.  “I didn't even burp. Not once!”

“I’m glad to hear that,” TJ laughed, giving her a congratulatory high-five on his way into the kitchen.  “Are you helping Nonno with dinner?”

“She’s my tomato-squisher extraordinaire,” Big Tony said.

“Well, it smells great in here,” TJ said, moving around his father to the kitchen cupboard.  “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Cora to dinner.”

“Cora?” Big Tony echoed, and shared a look with Emily as she hopped excitedly around the kitchen.  TJ looked between them suspiciously.

“That’s not a problem is it?”  TJ asked.

“No,” Big Tony chuckled.  “Not a problem.”

TJ brought a plate and glass down from the cabinet.  

“Set another place at the table, for me,” he said, handing them to Emily.  

“Cora’s coming for dinner,”  Emily said excitedly.

TJ laughed.  “I thought you’d be happy, after that tantrum you had at daddy’s office this afternoon. What’s gotten into you?”

Emily didn’t respond, but pressed her lips into a firm pout.

“Maybe too many cookies?” TJ said.

Emily just stuck out her tongue, and skipped into the dining room to place the dishes on the table.

“Has she been okay, today?” TJ asked his father, _soto voce._

Big Tony nodded.  “She’s good. We had a little heart-to-heart after lunch.  She’s gonna be just fine.”

“What did you tell her?”  TJ asked.

Big Tony shrugged. “It’s Nonno stuff.”

TJ ran upstairs to change. As Emily helped to place the silverware and napkins, there was a knock on the door.

“She’s here!” Emily said, rushing to the door.

Emily opened the front door and threw herself at Cora.

“Hey, Emily,” Cora laughed. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Let her get in the house, Emily,” TJ said.

TJ ushered them both back inside and went to help Cora out of her coat, taking her bags from her.  TJ hung her coat in the hall closet and she brought a bottle of wine out from her bag.

“A little something for the grownups,” she said, and the handed Emily a small package wrapped in a brown paper bag and tied with ribbon. “And a little something for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” TJ said.

“It’s nothing. I’m already embarrassed,” Cora said. “I just couldn’t show up for Christmas empty handed.”

“Emily, go put that under the tree. Cora, have a seat,” he said. “Make yourself at home.  Dinner’s just about ready.”

The table was set with the red, satiny table cloth they brought out once a year, with the dishes strategically placed over stains from the years before.  They had even found four plates without any chips in them, and paper napkins with little poinsettias along the edges.

“Hey, Mr. C,” Cora said having a seat, as Tony Sr. set the pan of lasagna on the table. “This looks really great. Thank you so much for having me.”

“Cora brought wine,” TJ said, handing his father the bottle.

“I figured you’d drink red,” Cora added.

“You figured right. We’ll open this up,” Tony Sr. said, taking the bottle to the kitchen.

TJ got Emily into her chair and set her napkin in her lap, before taking a seat beside her. Tony Sr. came from the kitchen to pour the wine, but TJ waved him on.

“Come on, it’s Christmas,” his father insisted on pouring him a glass. “It’s good for you. A glass of wine with dinner is good for the heart.”

“You don’t have to drink the wine,” Cora whispered to TJ.  “It’s not very good anyway.”

TJ shook his head, but relented and let his father pour him a glass; he even took a few sips for good measure.  They all took turns passing plates for lasagna and bread and green beans. As they ate, little flecks of white began to drift down from the darkening sky and Emily ‘ooh’ed excitedly at the prospect of having a real white Christmas. 

“This kid,” Big Tony said, waving at TJ as he emptied the last of the bottle of wine into his own glass.  “Used to tattle on himself, you know.”

Cora laughed and TJ blushed.

“Why am I not surprised,” she said, nudging his arm from across the table.  

Cora was smiling at him broadly, her brown eyes were bright and warm, and her face was rosy from the wine and good food and good cheer.  TJ blushed deeper, thinking of how lovely she was, and took another sip of wine to hide his smile.

“Emily,” TJ said.  “Put your plate in the sink and go get the ornaments you made.  We’ll put them on the tree while we watch the movie, okay?”

Emily hopped down from her chair and went into the kitchen as they began clearing the table.

“He’d come to me, crying,” Big Tony went on.  “Five, maybe six years old. ‘Daddy, I know the cookies were for after dinner, but I ate one anyway.’  I said, ‘Are you gonna do it again?’ ‘No, Daddy.’ I said, ‘Okay, go play.’”

“Apparently Catholic guilt skips a generation,” TJ said.  

Big Tony leaned in across the table, TJ and Cora both grew quiet as he went on.  “He was a good kid. A good kid, you have his mother to thank for that. He certainly didn’t get it from me.”  

He clapped one hand onto TJ’s shoulder, gazing at him seriously.  “Now I know I wasn’t always there for you, not like you needed. But I’m gonna make up for it.”  

TJ pressed his lips into a tight smile, and Big Tony pointed to Emily’s path up the stairs.  “I’m gonna do right by her. My hand to God, I swear.”

“I know that,” TJ said, meeting his father’s eyes.  “I know.”

A few tears slid down Tony’s cheeks as Cora looked on sympathetically, but TJ only burst into a full belly-laugh.

“He’s having a genuine emotion,” TJ said.  “I think his body is rejecting it.”

“You’re real funny,” Big Tony said, shaking TJ by the shoulders.

Emily came trotting down the stairs with a little box of handmade ornaments.  Big Tony turned the television on and found the station airing _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ as TJ got the dishes soaking in the kitchen.  

“This is my favorite favorite Christmas movie,” Emily said, setting onto the couch beside Cora. “Even more than the Muppets.”

”More than Muppets,” TJ quipped, returning from the kitchen with the sleeves of his sweater still pushed up to his elbows.  “Have I taught you nothing?”

“Why do you like the Grinch, Emily?” Cora asked.

“Guess!” Emily said.

“Is it because he’s your favorite color?” TJ asked, selecting an ornament to hang on the tree.

“No!”

“Is it because he’s grumpy like your Daddy?” Big Tony suggested, taking his seat in the recliner.

“Hey!” TJ gave him a dirty look.

“I think the Grinch is a little hairier than your Dad,” Cora whispered to Emily.

“You haven’t seen Daddy without his shirt on,” Emily said.

T.J. dropped the ornament he was holding and it jingled and tinkled as it fell through the tree; he ducked down to retrieve it, thankful for an excuse to hide. Cora’s eyes went wide as she stifled a laugh. Big Tony just shook his head.

“Our people are Italian,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “What can I say?”

“Emily,” TJ said. “We don’t discuss our grooming habits with company. It’s very private.”

“Tell me why you like the Grinch,” Cora asked.

“Because he lives on a mountain with his dog,” Emily declared gleefully.

TJ sighed. “My daughter.”

“She might just need a P-U-P-P—”

“Don’t even think it,” TJ cut Cora off before it was too late.  Spelling was one of her best subjects.

At the commercial break, Emily eagerly showed Cora each of her ornaments: a picture of her with TJ in her classroom, set in a frame decorated with glitter and puzzle pieces, cotton balls glued together to look like a snowman, a salt dough stocking, and a painted gingerbread man.  

“This can be your special ornament, Cora,” Emily said, showing her a snowflake made from popsicle sticks that had been colored blue and decorated with sequins and foam stickers.

“This is beautiful, you made this?” Cora said, holding it up to the light of the tree.

“You have to hang it with the rest of the family,” Emily said.

“Where is that?” Cora asked, surveying the tree.

TJ scooped Emily up so she could put the star at the top of the tree.

“It’s our family tradition,” TJ explained, still holding Emily on his hip. “We each have an ornament that represents us that we hang on the tree every year. Emily is the angel, I’m the train, Dad is the bell, and Mom--Emily’s Nonna--is the wreath.”

TJ pointed to each of the ornaments in turn, where they were clustered together near the very top of the tree. Cora found a bare branch and hung the snowflake.

“How’s that?” she looked to Emily for her approval.

“It’s beautiful.”  Emily said.

The movie ended and a traffic map appeared on the tv screen, peppered with red Xs representing accidents and road closures, followed by a weather reporter on an icy street warning travelers to stay inside.

“It’s really coming down out there,” TJ said, setting Emily down to peer out the window.

“I guess I better get going then,” Cora said.

The snow was still falling, leaving an icy sheen on the neighborhood in the moonlight.   

“I don’t feel good about you driving in this,” TJ said. “You know you’re welcome to stay here tonight.”  

“I’ll be alright,” Cora insisted, getting her coat from the closet. “I had a really nice time. Thank you. For everything.”

And before she left, she hugged him. TJ stood stiffly for a moment, surprised by the contact, but then he relaxed into her.

“Drive safely,” he said. “Let me know when you get home.”

TJ sent Emily upstairs to get into her pajamas waited at the door as Cora got into her car. He watched her pull away from the curb and slowly proceed down the street. At the corner the car began to fishtail and zigzag before sliding off the road and into the ditch.

TJ was out the door like a shot, without even a coat, and raced down the road, nearly slipping and falling himself in his haste to reach the car.  By the time he pulled the driver’s side door open, Cora was already out of her seat belt and trying to climb out.

“Cora, are you okay?” he said, out of breath and shaking.  

“I’m fine, TJ, I’m fine,” she assured him. “I’m just glad I didn’t take out your neighbor’s mailbox on my way down.”

The snow was still coming down in fat flakes around them.  He took her face between his hands to examine her eyes under the street lights.  She laid her hands over his and held them against her face.

“Jesus you’re freezing,” she said.  

TJ nodded.  “Let’s get back inside.  Can you walk alright?”

“I’m telling you, I’m fine,” Cora protested, but he put an arm around her anyway as they made their way carefully back down the sidewalk.

Once they were through the door and had shaken off the snow, TJ found his father and asked him to keep Emily in her room until he was sure Cora was alright.  She assured him it was only her pride that had been hurt, but even after she demonstrated she could turn her head and touch her toes, TJ still felt terrible.

“I’ve got a guy,” Big Tony offered.  “We’ll get you pulled out first thing in the morning.”  

TJ showed her upstairs and found her an oversized sweatshirt and pants to use as sleeping clothes.  While she was in the bathroom, he put clean sheets on the bed. When she came back in from the hallway, the sight of her wearing his clothes made his breath catch in his throat for a moment.

“Thanks again,” she said.  “For the hospitality.”

“You can take my bed,” TJ said.  “I’ll bunk with Emily for the night.”

“Oh no,” Cora said.  

“Don’t worry.  It’s not the first time, it won’t be the last,” TJ said.  “I owe her a bedtime story anyway. Would you care to join us?”

“I’d be honored,” Cora agreed.   

Just down the hall, Emily was waiting up in bed with all her favorite stuffed animals.  TJ sat on the edge of the bed to kiss her goodnight and Cora settled into the rocking chair beside them.  

As he began tucking Emily under the covers, TJ paused.  “Did you brush your teeth?”

“Sure did,” Emily smiled brightly.  Then she opened her mouth and belched in her father’s face.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” TJ pulled away.  “You burp like a 50 year old man. What are we feeding you?”

Cora covered her mouth as she began to laugh.  TJ pulled up the hem of Emily’s pajama top and blew a raspberry on her stomach.  Emily squealed and tried to squirm away.

“Call the police,” he announced between tickles.  “Someone has stolen my princess and left me this troll instead.  Cora, arrest her!”

“How could I ever arrest such a cute little troll?”  Cora said.

“Oh, I will never see my sweet girl again,” TJ covered his face and pretended to cry.

“Don’t be sad, Daddy,” Emily said, crawling back into his lap.  “I’ll always be your little girl, even if I am a troll.”

“Yes you will,” TJ hugged Emily close and rocked her in his arms, placing dozens of quick kisses on the top of her head.  “And yes you are.”

Emily had a stack of books picked out, waiting beside her bed.  

“Maybe let’s pick one of these for tonight,” TJ said, fanning the books out.  

After some deliberation, Emily selected _The Polar Express_ by Chris Van Allsburg and as TJ replaced the rest of her books on the shelf, she handed it to Cora.

“Will you read to me, Cora?”  she said.

“As long it’s okay with your dad,” Cora said.  “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Please,” TJ said.  “Be my guest. I’d love a reprieve; I think I’ve read that one at least a dozen times by now.”

Emily pulled the covered up to her chin and TJ settled himself at the foot of the bed.  

Cora opened the book and began to read, “On Christmas Eve many years ago, I lay quietly in my bed…”

***

Emily was fast asleep long before Santa’s silver bell appeared under the Christmas tree, but Cora kept reading straight through to the end.  She watched TJ watching Emily as her breath grew long and deep, she watched him brush Emily’s hair off her face, and Cora watched as his eyelids grew heavy and his face relaxed.  She had never seen him so at ease.

Cora had always assumed TJ parented the way he did everything else.  Things had to be perfect. He had his scruples about bedtimes and teeth brushing, but he was also loving and dedicated, a little bit messy, and kind of fun.  She liked TJ as a colleague and a friend, but coming to see him as a father, she couldn’t help but look at him differently; it wasn’t what she had expected.

Reluctantly, Cora closed the book and set it aside.  TJ’s eyelids fluttered and he gazed at her sleepily.

“You sleep like that and you’ll regret it tomorrow,” she warned him.

TJ sighed.  “I have to finish wrapping.  Would you like to join me? I might even be able to find you a decent bottle of wine, maybe something stronger.”

“TJ Caruso,” Cora said softly.  “Are you bribing me?”

“Desperate times, Cora,” he said, climbing out of bed.  He gently kissed Emily’s head and left her bedroom door open just a crack before they headed downstairs.

TJ brought the presents down from the hall closet with wrapping paper and tape and arranged everything on the dining room table.   _It’s a Wonderful Life_ was on the television, and Cora poured herself a class of whiskey from the liquor cabinet.  Just outside the window, the snow had stopped falling and the world was left coated in a layer of shimmering white.   

“I’m so sorry to intrude on your Christmas like this,” Cora said.  

“Please don’t be.  I feel just terrible,” TJ shook his head. “I never should have let you go out there.”

“You think you could have stopped me?” Cora said, shadowboxing.

“If something had happened to you—” TJ fell silent.

“I’m okay,” Cora reassured him. “I’m made of pretty tough stuff.  You’ve got such a beautiful home. Such a beautiful family. Even your dad—"

“Emily likes you,” TJ said.  “I’ve never seen her taken to someone the way she is with you.  It’s good for her, having another girl around. Thank you for being so kind to her.  She really likes you.”

“I like her too,” Cora said.    

They reached for the tape at the same moment and TJ’s hand landed on top of hers.  For a moment they both froze, holding hands. On the TV, George Bailey was throwing a lasso around the moon.  Cora felt a pleasant warmth creeping into her face, she thought it must have been the whiskey getting to her. TJ met her eyes for just a moment, and quickly pulled his hand away.

“The hell is this?” Cora said.

She picked a box from the pile of presents and turned it over in her hands.  Inside was a skeletal cat with removable organs, the box called it a 3D STEM puzzle, but she would have called it creepy.

“Emily wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up,” TJ said.  “Either that or I’m raising a serial killer.”

Cora laughed.  “Apparently crime also skips a generation.”

“God help me,” TJ said.

Cora finished her drink as TJ wrapped the last of the presents and arranged them under the tree when the quiet of the night was suddenly interrupted.

“Daddy,” Emily cried, padding down the stairs.

“Baby,” TJ called back.  “You know you’re supposed to stay upstairs tonight.”  

“Daddy, I don’t feel good,” Emily said.  “I’m sick for Christmas.” Then she started to cry.

TJ sat her on the stairs and felt her face with his hands and pressed his cheek to her forehead.

“You don’t have a fever,” he said.

“My tummy hurts,” she said between sobs.

“I don’t think you’re sick, Baby,” TJ said, lifting her into his arms. “I think maybe you’re having a melt down, because Nonno let you have too much sugar and it gave you a stomach ache.”  

With Emily’s soft cries muffled against TJ’s shoulder, Cora could just make out a few of words and phrases exchanged between them.

“You weren’t there...I couldn’t find you,” Emily murmured. 

“It was just a bad dream,” TJ spoke softly, cradling her head with his free hand.  “It’s okay to be scared...I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.” From across the room, Cora saw him nudge the space where her heart belonged.  

“Whenever you get scared, just find that light...there’s nothing to be scared of...You are a brave girl...you already have everything you need right there inside you.”

TJ continued to walk up and down the hallway with Emily in his arms and her sobs quieted down. After a moment, Cora realized he was singing softly to her.  He walked with her and sang for a few more minutes and by the time he sat back down on the couch she had gone limp in his arms.

“Works every time,” he said quietly to her, as Emily dozed in his arms.

Cora marveled at TJ, how he knew just what to say, just want to do to soothe Emily.  In her whole life, she had never seen a man behave so tenderly with another person. Maybe she had never been around the right kind of man, maybe TJ was just that special. Her heart ached suddenly, longingly for that kind of love and devotion.

“You know, you’ve got a pretty decent voice,” Cora said. “We need to get you out for karaoke night.”

“Absolutely not,” TJ said.

“I’m serious!” Cora said.

“So am I,” TJ replied. “I have terrible stage fright. I puked at my fourth grade Christmas pageant. Wouldn’t sing a note after that, not until Miss Emily came along.”

“You’d do anything for her,” Cora said. “You can tell, you know, you two have a really special relationship.”

By the time Clarence got his wings, TJ had passed out on the sofa with Emily sprawled on top of him. Cora rose from the chair and turned off the tv. Before she headed up the stairs she stopped to spread an extra blanket over them.

“TJ,” she said softly.

Cora carefully lifted TJ’s glasses from their skewed position on his face and set them on the table beside him. When he still didn’t stir, she leaned in a little closer, smiling to herself.

“Is this the ear you can’t hear on?” Cora whispered.  “TJ Caruso, I’ll love you til the day I die.”

Cora thought of Christmas dinner at the family table, of the tree with twinkling white lights and homemade ornaments, and she thought of TJ singing a lullaby of “Silent Night.”  And she realized even with her car in a ditch, even though she was wearing somebody else’s ill-fitting pajamas, even though she was dreading having to head back to the station the next day, this was the best Christmas she had ever had. Then she placed a light kiss on the top of Emily’s head and climbed stairs and got into TJ’s bed alone in the dark.


	4. Four

There was a cup of coffee hovering above TJ’s face when he woke.

“Cora!”  He started up from the couch in a hurry.

“Morning, sunshine,” she said, handing him the steaming mug.  

TJ took a few sips to clear the fog. He remembered why Cora was in his house, waking him up on Christmas morning. He wondered if she had fixed his coffee: black, but with a little sugar.

“What time is it?” he asked, rubbing his eyes and feeling around on the table for his glasses.

“Just after 8,” Cora said. “It looks like a plow came through early. Your dad’s friend pulled my car out of the ditch. I’m due in at 12, so I was going to get ready to head out.”

“Oh,” TJ sighed. “Did you at least get something to eat?”

“Stay for breakfast,” Big Tony urged her. “We’re having pancakes.  You gotta eat something—once you’ll get down to the station, nothing’s open; you’ll be eating corn chips and vending machine coffee on Christmas.”

“Are you sure?” Cora protested.  

“Yes,” TJ assured her.  

Of course once the table was set and the pancakes were devoured, Emily insisted Cora stay to open presents with them.  

“Well, I’m not going to write you up because you were a few minutes late on Christmas,” TJ said, mostly because Emily was already setting about tearing into the presents under the tree.

“TJ Caruso,” Cora said, taking a seat on the couch beside him.  “This is a side of you I’ve never seen.”

From her father and grandfather, Emily had gotten a set of Elephant and Piggie books, water beads, a kinetic sand play set, and a purple top with a sparkly unicorn on it that came with matching leggings.  If she had further opinions about his fashion sense, Cora let it pass without comment. As expected, the skeletal cat was the favorite gift of the morning. She also got a Paw Patrol lunchbox, because her grandfather had accidentally melted her last lunch box in the dishwasher.  

“You’re a fan of Paw Patrol,” Cora said. “Who’s your favorite?”  

“Marshall,” Emily said, clutching the lunch box to her chest.

“He’s the fire-pup,” TJ explained, hanging his head.

“That one stings, kid,” Cora said. “It really does.”

Cora’s last-minute gift for Emily turned out to be a keychain Rubix cube, which Big Tony asked to see and immediately broke. Cora covered her face.

“Nonno!” Emily chided, and smacked him on the knee.

“No hitting, Emily,” TJ warned her. “Apologize to Nonno and give him the present we made.”  

“Sorry, Nonno,” Emily said, bringing Tony his gift from under the tree. “Merry Christmas.”

“I forgive you, sweet heart, thank you,” Tony said and kissed her as he accepted the box. “This is heavy. Means it must be good, right?”

Emily took a seat in TJ’s lap as Tony unwrapped the present. The box contained a ceramic candy dish with Emily’s handprint pressed into the center. She had signed her name and decorated the outside with colorful stones.

“This is very beautiful,” Tony said. “I love it.”

“There’s one more present!” Emily called out scrambling out of TJ’s lap to duck back under the tree.

She came out from under the tree with a small box wrapped in red paper.

“This is for Cora,” she said, handing over the box.

“How did this get here?” Cora said. “I heard Santa doesn’t come to this house.”

Cora shifted her gaze to TJ.

“Don’t look at me,” TJ said, putting up his hands.

Cora unwrapped the small package and inside was a little snowflake pendant on a silver chain and her smile fell.

“Oh I can’t accept this,” she protested, trying to hand TJ the box.  “This is too much.”

“I certainly can’t take it,” TJ said. “I have no idea where that came from.”

They both turned to Big Tony for an explanation.

“What are you looking at me for?” Tony said. “You know silver clashes with my eyes.”

“Seriously, Dad?” TJ replied.

“It wasn’t me,” Tony replied.

“TJ, I can’t take this,” Cora said, setting the box on the coffee table.

“Well it’s not staying here,” TJ said, picking the box up off the table and handing it to his father. “Are there any other Christmas gifts that fell off the back of a truck I should know about?”

“It didn’t come from a truck, Daddy,” Emily said, taking the box from Tony. “I promise.”

She tried to return the necklace to Cora, but TJ stopped her.  

“Did you put this under the tree?” TJ asked her sternly. “Where did you get this?”

“It’s a secret,” Emily said.

“You know we’re not supposed to keep secrets from one another,” TJ warned her.

Emily narrowed her gaze at him.

“Don’t be a hippo-critter, Daddy,” she said, setting her small hands on his hips. TJ would have laughed if she weren’t being so disrespectful.

“You think I’m a hypocrite?”  TJ said incredulously.

“That’s not very nice, Emily,” Cora interjected. “Your dad is very honest.”

“My dad has a secret, too,” Emily said. “He doesn’t want to tell you, but he thinks—”

TJ reached out hurriedly and clapped his hand over Emily’s mouth before she could say more. Cora stared at him wide-eyed and Big Tony chuckled at the scene.  With horror, TJ realized his own daughter was blackmailing him on Christmas, of all days.

“I think you should keep the necklace,” TJ said to Cora. “If Emily says it was meant for you, I believe her.  I trust her.”

TJ gave Emily a look to reassure her that they would continue their conversation in private.

“Are you sure?” Cora hesitated before taking the box. “It’s really nice.”

“It’s yours,” TJ said, finally removing his hand from Emily’s mouth. She was smiling broadly.

Cora lifted the necklace from the box and swept her hair off her neck to put it on. She had trouble getting it secured so TJ reached out and helped her find the clasp.

“You look real pretty, Cora,” Emily declared.

TJ nodded as Cora turned back to him. “You do.”

“Well, thank you,” Cora said. “Whichever one of you is responsible. This is—this was a really good Christmas. The best. I’m sorry I have to say goodbye.  I should be getting to work.”

“Let me get your coat,” TJ said as Emily hugged Cora goodbye.

TJ helped Cora into her coat.

“We’re having dinner at Farrell’s tonight,” he said.  “Dad and some of the guys from the neighborhood put something together every year.  You should come after your shift. It’s pretty laid back. I think Ryan and his roommates are stopping by.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Cora agreed, turning around to face him.  “We’ll see how the day goes. Hopefully the criminals are still digging out.”

“I’m glad you were here, Cora,” he told her.

“Me too,” she said, heading for the door.  “I’ll see you later.”

TJ turned back into the living room, looking crossly at Emily.  “What has gotten into you?” He pointed to his father accusingly.  “I blame you.”

“What did I do?” Big Tony protested.

“You have to tell her the truth, Daddy!”  Emily said.

TJ knelt down and took her by the shoulders.  “Emily, I know how much you like Cora and I know how badly you want a mom who will love you the way she’s supposed to--I read your letter--”

Fat tears began to slide down Emily’s cheeks and she tried to pull away, but he held her close.

“I’m sorry, Emily, but things are complicated,” TJ pressed on.  “I know you want me to do the right thing and tell Cora the truth, but I can’t.”

“It’s not fair.”  Emily stomped her little feet and he pulled her in close and held her against his chest.  “I thought if I was good, if I did everything right, she would want to stay. Then you wouldn’t be alone.  It’s not fair.”

There were times when Emily was so much like him that it scared him.  She was smart and observant--of course she had realized he felt something for Cora that was more than just friendship between co-workers.  But, just like her father, Emily worried. She became fixated on things, even things that were out of her control, which could be quite dangerous when combined with the fact that she seemed to have inherited Tony the Tiger’s tenacity and occasional disdain for authority.

“I know,” TJ said.  “And I’m sorry I can’t give you your wish, but I don’t want you to worry about me being alone, because I am never going to love anyone in this whole world more than I love you.  You understand? Cora needs someone who’s going to love her most and I can’t. I already love you too much, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. And the two of us, and your Nonno are going to have to be enough for now.”

Emily nodded and TJ helped her dry her eyes.

“Go upstairs and get dressed for church, now,” he told her.  “No more tears.”

TJ returned his attention to his father as Emily trotted up the stairs to her room.   

“You’ve been conspicuously quiet,” TJ said.

Big Tony shrugged, pressing his lips together pointedly.  

“If you told her the truth,” he said.  “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’m her boss,” TJ said.  “It would be wildly inappropriate.  Besides, I meant what I said. Cora deserves better.”

“Love doesn’t have to be perfect, TJ,” his father reminded him.  “It just has to be true.”

“Believe me,” TJ said.  “I’m under no illusions that I’m perfect.”

“I know,” Big Tony said sagely.  “I just want you to remember, the last time you broke a rule, you got Emily.”

“Yes,” TJ said, exasperated.  “And she is the most important thing in my entire life.  And if I cross that line--”

“Anthony, sometimes when you cross a line, good things happen.”

 

TJ was left to ponder his father’s words throughout the morning.  After church, they stopped at the cemetery to leave poinsettias at his mother’s plot.  Back at home, Emily made use of her new toys while Big Tony and TJ finished putting together the baked ziti for Christmas potluck.

The annual family-style Christmas dinner at Farrell’s had evolved over the years as a makeshift soup kitchen for the undesirables and loners of the neighborhood.  They started early in the afternoon, serving the drunks and vagrants, and by 5 or 6 o’clock usually the crowd had thinned down to Gordon, Big Tony, Wendell Kirk and a few others.  

This year Ryan had come with his three roommates: Jared and Ken, who looked right about how TJ had envisioned them, ugly Star Wars Christmas sweaters and all.  The third roommate turned out to be a remarkably attractive young woman named Kat.

“I like your cat,” said Kat as the Carusos came into the bar, Emily with her skeleton toy tucked under her arm.

“Thanks,” Emily said, holding it out for her to examine.  “My Daddy got it for me.”

Then Kat looked TJ up and down in a way that made him want to turtle himself inside of his winter coat, instead he scooped Emily up and carried her to the coat room as his father placed the baked ziti on the bar with the rest of the food.

Once the coats and scarves and hats were hung, TJ stopped to point out some of the decorations.  

“Look, Emily, we’re under the mistletoe,” he said, pointing to the sprig of green hanging above them.  “Now you’ve got to give me a kiss.”

“Why?”  Emily asked.

“Because it’s the rules,” TJ insisted, until she softly touched her lips to his.  

“Uh oh, Daddy,” Emily warned as Tony Sr. approached.  “I think Nonno’s coming under the mistletoe, too.”

“What?” Tony Sr. laughed as he approached already with a beer in hand.  “You think I’m embarrassed to kiss my boy on Christmas?”

Tony clapped TJ on the shoulder and planted a loud, wet kiss on his cheek.  TJ rolled his eyes.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Let’s get you something, to eat, huh,” Tony said, lifting Emily out of TJ’s arms.  What do you want for dinner? There’s lots of good stuff.”

They were all gathered together in the dimly lit bar, eating and drinking, and enjoying one another’s company.  There was even a spontaneous and surprisingly good sing-along rendition of “Good King Wenceslas” considering that everyone involved was at least three drinks into the evening.  

A little before seven, the door opened and a breath of cold air swept through the bar as Cora stepped inside.  When TJ saw her, he couldn’t help but smile.

“You came, you came!”  Emily chanted, rushing to meet her.  

Cora laughed as Emily hugged her around the legs.

“Come with me,” Emily said, leading Cora by the hand toward the coat room.  Cora laughed and followed along, looking back to TJ for an explanation, but he could only shrug in confusion himself.  

“Wait right here,” Emily held a hand up to Cora once she was positioned in the doorway.  “Don’t move.”

Emily ran back across the room to grab TJ by the hand and pulled him back toward Cora.  They both laughed a little as Emily maneuvered him into the narrow doorway with her.

“Can I take your coat?” he asked jovially.  Cora laughed, as she slipped off her jacket and handed it to him.

“Why thank you, Lieutenant.”

“I’m glad you made it,” TJ said as he placed her jacket on a hanger before looking back down to Emily.

“Is that all you needed?” he asked her.

“Daddy, look up,” Emily pointed to the door frame.  

Then TJ remembered.  “Mistletoe.”

Cora’s eyes followed his upward.  “That is mistletoe,” she agreed.

“It’s the rules, Daddy,” Emily insisted.  

“She’s got us there, TJ,” Cora said.  “Should we get this over with or what?”

Those who remained at the bar had turned to look on at the scene.

“Emily,” TJ said, redness creeping up past the collar of his sweater.  He felt uncomfortably warm. “Cora. Are we really doing this here?  Now? In front of everyone?”

“It’s just a kiss, TJ,”  Cora said.

“I can’t do it, Cora, I can’t,” he said and added, frankly, “I’m afraid.”

Cora’s smile fell.  

“Did I do something wrong?” she whispered.

“No,” TJ said firmly.  “No. You’ve done everything, everything just right.”

He paused and turned to her earnestly.  He studied her, as he always did, as though it might be for the last time.  The dim lights of the bar brought out the little flecks of gold in her brown eyes.  Her cheeks were still flushed from the cold outside, the little snowflake pendant was still hanging around her neck.

“I’m afraid if we do this now, you’ll never know the truth,” he said.  “Whether I kissed you because it was Emily’s Christmas wish, or because I’ve dreamed about what it would be like to kiss you everyday since the moment we met.”

He reached for her, and she took his hands in hers and held them.

“You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to,” Cora said.  “But before you decide I think you should know, this was my Christmas wish, too.”

Slowly, cautiously, Cora took his face in her hands and TJ closed those last five inches between them and kissed her.    


	5. One Year Later

The year had been full of ups and downs.  First thing on December 26th, TJ had submitted himself for disciplinary action.  The captain had to show him the specific policy in the personnel manual before he would believe that by its very definition sexual harassment had to involve  _ unwanted  _ contact.  And while interdepartmental relationships were generally discouraged, they weren’t actually forbidden.  So once the appropriate disclosure forms were submitted to HR, TJ had finally asked Cora on a proper date, which she had happily accepted.  Then they went on another, and another, and then every Thursday night when Emily started Daisy Scouts. 

TJ was summoned to the Headstart Director’s office numerous times for sending Emily’s teachers harsh criticisms of their curriculum.  Emily was sent just once for kissing Kevin Rosenberger in the cubby room, on top of which she received a very stern talking-to from her father about non-consensual touching.  Fortunately, she and Kevin had quickly reconciled their differences and decided they were better as friends, at least until they were older. 

In an effort to impress a conquest with philanthropic interests, Big Tony had strong-armed Ryan into spending an afternoon with him at the public library providing technical training for former convicts.  They ended up on a local news channel and Tony had enjoyed the attention so much, he kept on volunteering with the program though the summer. He even received a certificate of accomplishment and an engraved paperweight as a ‘Thank You’ at the end of the program.  TJ had the certificate framed and hung it in his office alongside some of Emily’s artwork. 

With Detective Loomis’s long-awaited retirement, the All City Homicide Task Force had been short staffed and busier than ever, but on Christmas Eve at the Caruso home, the table was set, dinner was hot, and the wine had been poured.  Emily and TJ even had a bottle of sparkling cider to share between them as they all sat down to dinner.

“I know this is cheesy,” TJ announced, raising his glass.  

“Oh, heaven forbid we emote,” Cora laughed, lifting her wine glass as well.  “Mr. C might start crying again.”

Cora leaned across the table and planted a kiss on his cheek, leaving a little smudge of red lipstick right along his jawline that she wiped away with the thumb of one hand.  It wasn’t the first time Cora had worn a dress, or even makeup, for one of their family get togethers, but the sight of her glowing, happy, in love, still took his breath away.  Especially with her little snowflake pendant falling just under the little notch at the center of her neck, between her collarbones. 

“No, no, no,” TJ said, regaining his composure.  “I mean it. I think we all have a lot to be thankful for this year. Cora was just promoted to the mayor’s Diversity and Inclusion Task Force.”

Cora made a show of bowing and acting foolish, but TJ knew she was really quite proud of the work she would be doing.   The task force would combine representatives from various government departments, they were already conducting town hall meetings and focus groups on how to improve citizen engagement throughout the city.  

“Dad is still miraculously not in jail,” TJ added.

“Thank heavens for small miracles,” Tony Sr. added, raising his glass

“And Emily will be starting at St. Rose next fall. Who knew that kindergartens had STEM magnet programs?” TJ leaned over to the chair beside him to kiss her on the head.  “And—And without her brazen defiance of my wishes, manipulating Cora and I into locking lips in a room full of our coworkers and friends, we all might not be here together for Christmas.”

“Here, here,” Cora echoed as they all touched glasses. 

Once they had eaten their fill and the dishes were cleared, they moved to the living room to decorate the tree and watch movies for the remainder of the evening.

“I think we need more hooks,” TJ announced looking to his father as the boxes of ornaments were laid out on the coffee table. 

“I saw another box in the basement,” Tony Sr. said, hoisting Emily up piggy-back style. “Come on monkey, let’s go take a look.”

“Nobody’s playing The Grinch tonight,” Cora said, still fiddling with the remote.  “It’s all  _ A Christmas Story.  _ Every channel!”  

Behind her, TJ perched nervously on the edge of the couch. 

“Cora, could you sit down for a minute?”

Cora turned to face him and set the remote aside.

“What’s going on?” she asked with concern, taking a seat on the couch beside him. 

“I’ve just been thinking,” TJ said, wiping his palms down the front of his jacket.  “Now that you’re joining this new task force—and I’m so proud of you and I know you’re going to be doing really important work for this city—but I realized if we’re not working together, I might not get to see you everyday, and I don’t like the idea of not seeing you everyday.”

“What are you trying to say, TJ?”  Cora’s brows knit together.

In reply he slid off the couch and got down on his knees in front of her. He took a box from his jacket pocket and opened the lid. Inside was a pewter ornament, a snowflake with little rhinestones set in the center. 

“I’m asking, Cora, will you marry me?”

“Oh my God!” Cora’s hands flew to her mouth.  “I thought you were going to ask me to turn down the job at the mayor’s office.”

TJ stared back, flabbergast.  “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. I never—I guess I never had anybody who cared about what I wanted.”

“I care, Cora, I care very much.”  TJ said. “I didn’t like to think about it before, but I always knew you would outgrow All-City Homicide.  You’re going to do great things, and whatever you decide to do, I want to support you.” 

“What did she say?”  Tony Sr.’s voice called out from behind the basement door. 

“She hasn’t said anything yet, Dad!”  TJ called back in annoyance.

There was a beat of silence.

“Did she slap you?”

“No Mr. C, I didn’t slap him,”  Cora laughed.

“Then get on with it, the kid and I are on pins and needles down here!”  

TJ pressed a hand to his chest.  “I think I’m having a panic attack.” 

“No, TJ, of course,” Cora laid her hands on his, pulling him up off the floor toward her and kissed him. “Of course I will marry you.”

“Oh thank God,” TJ sighed with relief.  “I’ll get you a ring, I just thought with it being Christmas—”

“I love it, I really love it, but,” Cora reached across the coffee table for a handmade ornament wrapped in tissue, a snowflake made of popsicle sticks, glitter, and sequins. “I already have a family ornament for the tree.”

“Then I guess it’s good we got you one more present,”  TJ said.

Emily came out from behind the door to the basement with an envelope.  She had drawn a family portrait on the front that showed the four of them together. 

“Go give it to her,” Tony Sr. encouraged her. 

Emily handed Cora the envelope a little sheepishly and Cora opened it up, pulling out a stack of legal-sized pages. 

“What is this?” she said. 

“Those are adoption papers,” TJ said. 

“Will you be my mommy for real?” Emily asked. 

“Are you kidding me?” Cora said gleefully scooping Emily into her arms and showering her with kisses. “I get my own sweet little girl for Christmas.  This is the best gift, the best gift I could have ever gotten.”

She reached out and pulled TJ into the embrace as well. 

“Are you crying?” he said, the sight made him emotional himself. 

“Yes and don’t you dare tell anyone,” Cora said through her tears. 

Emily brushed a drop from Cora’s cheek and gave her a kiss in its place. “It’s our family secret.”


End file.
